Just A Kid
by vanillaxo
Summary: Peter didn't need to touch her to know that she was cold. Too cold. His senses allowed him to see her as if she was under a microscope. He knew May was dead the second he looked at her. Peter wished more than anything to stop seeing. Irondad & Spiderson
1. Chapter 1

There are a lot of things that Peter sees in just one day.

He goes to school, to Avengers Tower, and not to mention goes all around New York City during his patrols. Thanks to his spider senses, he's able to take in a whole lot more information than the average human- and _thank the spider gods_ for giving him 20/20 vision.

When Peter first became Spider-Man, he couldn't get enough of his heightened senses. Sure, there were moments where they got kicked up a notch (more like kicked up a million notches) and he thought he was going to die before graduating high school, but he had to admit, _it was so much fun_. He felt free, unique, and important, something that not many people his age could say. There was always something new to see, and that prospect made getting up in the morning so exciting in his eyes.

But nothing could've prepared Peter for what he saw coming home one day after patrol.

"May," Peter called out, opening the door to the apartment he shared with his aunt. He threw his backpack to the side of the room and pulled out the left earphone that was resting on his ear. "I'm back!"

As soon as he shut the door and the earphone was out his ear, Peter knew something was wrong. The hair on his arms were stood directly up, and the quietness of the apartment was louder than the hustle and bustle of New York.

Something's wrong, he thought, shivering slightly despite it being 84 degrees out.

His senses weren't sensing anything dangerous, per se, it felt more... off. Like an imbalance.

Peter kept walking forward, and with each step he took, his senses went more and more berserk. Soon, he turned and reached the kitchen and his heart rate skyrocketed as he took in what he saw in front of him.

There on the hard kitchen floor was his once lively and vibrant aunt, who was laying as still as a statue.

Peter didn't need to touch her to know that she was cold. Too cold. His senses allowed him to see her as if she was under a microscope. He knew May was dead the second he looked at her.

Peter wished more than anything to stop seeing.

Wide-eyed and stricken with grief, Peter ran over to his aunt and dropped to the floor, laying her head on his lap as he tried to wake her up.

He knew he was being stupid; May was gone. He knew that. But something in him couldn't believe it, _wouldn't_ believe it. "May," Peter cried out, his voice hoarse and small. "May."

He said her name over and over again like a prayer, rocking her still body slightly.

"P-please, don't leave me," Peter clutched her tightly, feeling her already cold skin. "I c-can't lose you too, May! Come back! Please, please, please..."

Tears blurred his vision as he sobbed violently, holding his aunt so tightly that he knows he must've bruised her had she been alive. Peter didn't want to look at her face, because the May he always remembered was the May that had taken him in, "larbed" him, and became his mother figure in a way that filled that deep void he had after his parents and Ben passed away.

And now, as he hangs his sobbing head on his aunts still chest, he feels that void coming back stronger with each second that goes by without his last family member in his life.

"May... May... May..."

It's been two months since then, and it had not gotten easier like Peter had thought.

He thought that this time around, it would be better because he had Mr. Stark and all of the Avengers by his side.

When May died, Tony did not hesitate to take Peter in. Not only did Tony take guardianship of Peter, but he took care of everything so Peter didn't have to do anything other than try to heal and grieve.

Peter knew that, and he was grateful. Ever since he started to live with the Avengers, he felt like he finally had a brand new start with his brand new family. And Peter loved each of them individually.

But now, two months later, as he lay in the darkness of his room at 3 in the morning, he feels more like a burden than anything.

Every night he suffered with the same nightmare. And lately, they've been progressively getting worse. Instead of just reliving May's death over and over again, sometimes it would transform and he would see Mr. Stark laying there, still, unmoving, _dead_.

The nightmares were so bad to the point that Peter dreaded sleep. He fought sleep every night, and some nights he went without sleep at all. He would rather stare blankly at the dark ceiling for hours on end than see his dead aunt again, and even worse, to see his mentor/father figure dead too.

Peter sighed and ran his hand over his face. He was tired. So, so tired. He hadn't slept a full night in over two months, he hadn't talked about how he felt to anybody at all because he felt like enough of a burden by intruding Avengers Tower, and he also stopped being Spider-Man after May died because he felt so guilty. If he had come back sooner, he would've been able to save her. But he didn't. He had failed May.

Peter thought back to Mr. Stark, and how well he was handling all of this. For a guy that never saw himself as a father, Peter thought he was one hell of a father figure. Tony was patient, and there for him like nobody else was, always there to let Peter cry into his shoulder for hours or keep him company as Peter would stare blankly at a wall for long periods of time.

Peter knew that this wasn't what Tony originally wanted- who would want a 16 year old kid to take care of? Mr. Stark just had a bigger heart than he let on and he took Peter in out of pity.

Something in Peter twinged, his heart aching slightly at the thought of being a burden to Tony Stark- his long time hero, friend, and father figure.

 _You intruded in his life_ , the voice in Peter's head sneered. _He's Tony Stark, one of the most influential people in the world and most beloved superhero. How could he have time for you? You're bringing him down. You're nothing but a burden. You were a burden to your parents, you were a burden to Ben and May, and now you're a burden to Mr. Stark._

Peter clamped his hands over his ears and shook his head vehemently, trying to rid his brain of these thoughts.

 _Leave_ , the voice said louder this time. _Run away. It's the least you can do. Nobody will care that you're gone. You're nobody._

The hands over his ears went slack, and Peter murmured with unblinking eyes, "I'm nobody."

With a speed he didn't think he could possess again, Peter jumped up and threw on his Spider-Man suit after it taunted him from his closet for months now. Peter pushed back the myriad feelings that began to come to light as he put on his suit that he had once loved so much, and willed himself to focus on the task at hand.

 _Okay, Peter, you can do this. You're just going to swing away from here and not look back. You're not going to think about how much you grew to love living here, and you're not going to think about any of them. You're just going to leave. You can do it_ , Peter chanted to himself in his head as he took one deep breath before quietly swinging his door open and striding down the hall towards the windows that he knew opened.

As he strode through multiple doors and reached the common room, Peter felt tears stinging his eyes as he remembered memories with each and every person he grew to love. He remembered his trainings with Natasha, and how she'd always offer him a barely there smile at the end of their trainings, but a smile nonetheless.

He remembered Bucky, and how even though Bucky was always a little distanced from everybody, he always greeted Peter a good morning and goodnight everyday, and offered to be there if Peter ever needed someone to talk to. He remembered Steve, who was always somewhat protective of Peter- Steve was the one (alongside Tony) who would be there every time Peter would throw up the small amounts of food he ate because he couldn't stomach it, Steve was the one to carry him to bed when he was too weak and depressed to lift himself up, and Steve was the one who tucked him in and spared a long, meaningful glance at him before turning around and exiting his room.

He remembered Bruce, who was a lot funnier than Peter originally thought, with all the time they spent together in the lab. He remembered playing video games with Clint, who would always demand a redo every time Peter beat him in Mario Kart, and even when Peter kept beating him, Clint would lightly shove Peter's shoulder with a soft smile on his face and say "next time, you're going down, Spider-Boy." He remembered Thor, who he wasn't able to see as often, but remembered Thor's kind looks and gentle hugs every time he came to visit.

But most important of all, Peter remembered Mr. Stark. Tony. He remembered the man who believed in him when no one else did, he remembered the man who would hug Peter tightly after a particularly long day despite saying that they weren't there yet. He remembered the man who helped Peter through countless panic attacks, and not once made Peter feel stupid for them. He remembered the man who once ordered Thai food for the team's dinner, but once he saw the haunted look that only came across Peter's face when it had to do with May, he immediately bunched up the food, sent it away to give to the homeless, and ordered dozens of boxes of pizza without question. He remembered the man who gave him absolutely everything and more, and how Peter wasn't able to give him anything back.

Wiping a traitor tear that slid down his cheek, Peter sniffed and shook his head as if to dispel all the memories in his head. He knew he had to do this, not for himself but for everyone. He didn't want to burden them any longer.

He eventually made it to the window, opened it and stood at the edge, staring down at the long drop. He was probably about 70 stories high, and normally, Peter would've felt a twinge of both fear and excitement looking down from this height. But now, Peter felt an overwhelming feeling of numbness, and tears of frustration formed bitterly in his eyes.

"Get on with it, Parker," Peter muttered to himself. He didn't understand why he was hesitating. He knew what he had to do, but why was he stalling? He was being selfish, trying to stretch this moment out into a thousand, because he knew that once he left, he'd never see them again. His family. Tony.

Just as Peter was about to take the leap, a voice broke out and made Peter freeze in place.

"Hey Pete... Please, don't do this, alright? Just... just turn around and talk to me. W-we can work whatever this is out, kid, just... please, come back over here, okay?"

The voice was laced with worry, and was enough to distract the sleep-deprived, conflicted teen from keeping his balance, and Peter slipped, feeling the rush of falling down, down, down...

He was free.


	2. Chapter 2

Peter has fallen off buildings hundreds of times.

Being a superhero who slung around buildings in New York City kind of made it a given, but each time he fell, he never reached the ground because he would always shoot another web onto another building to keep the momentum going.

But this time, Peter was so tired. He was falling, he knew, and he could shoot a web to prevent himself from smashing onto the ground. But he felt peaceful flying through the air in his suit, because in those hastening seconds he was able to fool himself into thinking that he was Spider-Man in a world where May was still alive, and that he was just flying through the air like he always does.

He must have been falling for at most 10 seconds, because before Peter could even think to do something, he felt cold, hard metal encapsulate his body before it made Peter reverse and fly back up into where he had been before he slipped.

When he was placed back on the hard ground of the common room, the metal immediately opened and Peter was staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Pete! Hey, hey, hey, are you alright?" Tony rushed over to the frozen boy, his heart pounding in his ears and his palms sweaty. He carefully lead the young boy away from the metal suit, and drew him onto the couch.

Tony swept his hands over Peter's face and body, checking to see if he was hurt anywhere. "Peter, are you hurt anywhere? God, don't scare me like that ever again. I swear, kid, you'll be the death of me."

Peter was yet to say anything, his eyes trained blankly ahead of him, but when Tony spoke those last few words his eyes visibly widened and Tony immediately noticed his mistake and retracted his words.

"I... I didn't mean that. That was a very, very stupid thing for me to say. For a guy deemed as a genius, I'm not that smart, huh?" Tony tried to deter the thoughts he knew were swarming in Peter's head, and when Peter's eyes still hadn't gone back to normal, Tony sighed.

"I'm sorry, kid. I was just worried and scared. I'm _still_ worried and scared. I _.._. I know that things have been tough, and that I'm not your aunt, hell, I'm not even your dad so who am I to tell you what you should do, but... I'm trying here Pete. I care about you, and I want you to know that. I want things to get better for you, and just seeing you standing there on that ledge..." Tony's rant fell flat as he remembered Peter standing there, looking nothing at all like the vibrant teen he met all that time ago. Standing there, looking like he was about to do something horrible, Tony had never been more afraid in his life.

The room remained silent for a while after that. Tony had his head in his heads while he sat on the floor in front of Peter who was sat on the couch, his eyes trained towards the window where he had just fallen out of mere moments ago. The only thing that could be heard were the silent ticking of the clock that was placed on the wall (courtesy of Steve Rogers) and the soft breathing of both men sitting in the darkness.

"I'm sorry," Peter's small voice broke the stagnant silence, and Tony's head snapped up to look at the boy but his vision was still trained towards the window.

Tony frowned, but before he could say anything, Peter continued on: "I wasn't trying to... do what you thought I was doing. I just got surprised when you spoke. I didn't know anybody was awake, so I slipped and, well, you know..."

Tony let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. _Thank God_ , he thought to himself. He had no idea what he would have done at this point if that wasn't the case.

Peter sniffed and looked down to his fingers which were plopped in his lap. "I didn't mean to scare you, Mr. Stark. I don't mean to be such a burden to you and I'm sorry. You took me in, and I didn't deserve that. I'm just a parasite on your back, there are so many other things you should be worrying about. I'm just causing you unnecessary grief. That's why I was out there... I was trying to leave. Because I knew that I was a burden on everyone here, especially you, and that you're too nice to ask me to leave. I wish you hadn't shown up, Mr. Stark, because now it's going to be even harder to leave."

And that was all it took for Peter to break down completely. Sobs overtook his body and he cried like a baby, because he didn't want to leave. He didn't want to go anywhere but here, in this tower. But he didn't want to be a burden. He didn't want Mr. Stark to end up like May. He didn't want to care anymore, because caring only led to more pain.

Tony softly grabbed Peter's face with his hands. "Peter, I'm going to need you to listen to me, alright? This is important."

It took Peter a few seconds, but he nodded, wiping his nose and cheeks with his hand and sniffing softly.

Tony moved his hands from Peter's face to his shoulders, squeezing slightly. "I don't have any idea how these ideas came into your head, but Peter Parker, you are _not a burden_. You are not a burden to me, you are not a burden to Natasha, or Clint, or Steve, or Bruce, or anybody else here. Quite frankly, it's the opposite. We all love having you here. You mean so much more than you think you do, kid. I swear it.

And honestly, I'm glad I got here in time. Well, I'm not glad that I spazzed you out enough to fall off a 70 story window, but I am glad that I got to you before you left because I can assure you that that would've been a grave mistake. This," Tony waved his arms, gesturing to everything around him, "is your home, Peter. We are your home, just as you are ours. God, that sounded cheesy. Look what you're turning me into.

But anyway, I guess what I'm trying to preach here is that you're not a burden. You're allowed to feel sad, to grieve, hell, I'd think you're crazy if you didn't react the way you've been acting! It's normal to feel these emotions, and you went through something I wish you didn't have to. But that's the reality of it all- life isn't fair. Life is a goddamn shitfest more than half the time. But it's still pretty great at other times too. And I promise you that you will have more great times than bad soon. Just... let me help you. Let all of us help you. You don't have to face it alone. May wouldn't have wanted you to be alone."

By the time Tony got his last word out, tears were already streaming down Peter's face, and before he knew it, Peter lunged towards his mentor and wrapped his arms tightly around his neck.

Peter just cried into Tony's neck, all the exhaustion and sadness from the past two months release into this moment. Peter clutched onto Tony so tightly that they swayed a little bit, but Tony hugged him back with equal strength and rubbed Peter's back.

"You're alright," Tony whispered to Peter, trying to calm down the shaking teen.

After what seemed like an eternity, the tears stopped falling and Peter's shaking was left as soft tremors. And yet, neither of them pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Stark," Peter mumbled onto Tony's shoulder, and he could feel Tony scoff under his hold.

"Enough of that, you have nothing to be sorry for. And how many times have I told you to call me Tony, kid? Geez, I'm not that old am I?"

Peter let out a light laugh, and Tony swore that it was the best sound he's ever heard in his life.

"Sure, Mr. Stark. Whatever helps you sleep at night."

This time Tony let out a cross between a snort and a laugh, and they pulled away from each other to see smiles on both their faces.

Tony's smile turned soft as he pat Peter's cheek gently. "I think this is the first time I've seen you smile in the past two months, kid."

Peter smiled more and shrugged. "I guess you're just not that funny, Mr. Stark."

Tony rolled his eyes and let his hand drop. "That's it. FRIDAY, revoke all of Peter's access to the labs. Oh, and make sure he doesn't eat any more of those brownies he loves so much." Peter let out a small whine. "Oh yeah, that's what happens when you mess with the king."

Peter let out a scoff and without even realizing it, he began laughing like his life depended on it. Tears sprung in his eyes, and for the first time in forever, they weren't just tears of sadness. They were tears of laughter.

Peter doesn't remember the last time he laughed like this. Like, really laughed. The feeling felt a little foreign, but he welcomed it nonetheless.

He honestly didn't know why he was laughing. But all he knew was that Tony Stark cared for him, and didn't see him as a burden. And he continued to laugh more as he saw flashes of May cross his mind, but not like the May he's seen in his dreams the past two months, but the May he knew and loved, who had kind eyes and a smile that she always reserved just for him. He laughed and laughed and laughed, tears falling down his face, because he knew that May would never want Peter to stop smiling. To stop laughing. To stop loving life.

At first, Tony had thought that Peter had officially lost it. There he was, the little spiderling, laughing so hard after months of nothing more than blank stares and tears, to the point that tears were falling down his face.

As confused as Tony was, he couldn't help but smile fondly, because this was what he was used to. This is what Tony had been hoping for for so long now. To see his kid happy- even if it was over something Tony had no idea of.

"I'm- I'm alright, I just, had to let that out," Peter clutched one hand to his chest over his heart and another wiped the tears that threatened to spill some more. His chest hurt from laughing so much, but it was a pain that Peter was more than willing to welcome.

When the laughing fit finally passed, Peter looked at Tony and smiled. "Thank you, Tony. For still giving me a reason to smile and laugh anymore. For taking me in. For everything, honestly. I know that May wouldn't want me to be sad and wasting away my life... it still hurts, so bad, and I don't think that pain will ever really go away, but I think... I think I'm ready to try, now. I think I'm ready to try and live my life again. Because it's what May would've wanted."

Tony had been smiling right from the second that Peter had called him _Tony_ , and he had to fight his muscles from smiling even wider to reflect just how relieved and happy he felt over what Peter had said. He had to try and keep _some_ semblance of cool in him.

"That's great, Peter. More than great. I'm proud of you." Tony paused for a second. "May would be so proud of you."

Tears welled in Peter's eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He's done enough crying to last a lifetime. He shook his head slightly and looked at Tony too. "She'd be proud of you too, Tony. You've turned into such a good dad."

Tony sniffed and looked the other way towards the clock, the feelings of the moment catching up to him like a tidal-wave. "Thanks, Pete. Wow, would you look at the time? It's an ungodly hour. If I was a good, honest mentor I would say that it's just about time for us to head to sleep, but who am I kidding, I already know that both of us would stay up anyways so how about we make some hot chocolate and watch some movies while we wait for the sun to come up?"

Peter accepted the change of direction, and nodded his head. "Sounds great, Mr. Stark! Well, only if I get to pick the movie."

Peter smirked and threw himself onto the corner of the couch, grabbing the remote while Tony plopped next to him.

"And we're back to Mr. Stark. You're evil, kid, you know that, right? And I swear on everything holy, if you pick Star Wars again I'm leaving," Tony's teasing tone sounded like a warm blanket on a cold day, something so familiar and welcoming to Peter's ears. It only fueled Peter to play along like he used to before it all went downhill.

"Oh, well, you'd better leave now then Mr. Stark. Because we're journeying into a galaxy far, far away."

Tony grumbled under his breath, before heading to the kitchen to make their hot chocolate. "Fine, kid, but I'm staying only because of the hot chocolate."

Peter smiled to himself as he made himself comfortable on the couch, listening to the sounds of Tony rummaging around in the kitchen, cursing lightly every so often every time he would drop an object.

He might have lost May, but he knew she was never truly gone. And plus, he had another person in his life who he knew would always be there for him.

Peter wasn't okay, but he knew he would be.

He couldn't ask for anything better other than laying comfortably on the couch, drinking hot chocolate, with his hero while his favorite movie played on in front of him.

Here, Peter was home.

Here, Peter was free.


End file.
